Contempt might be a strong word but in part it does relate to how I treat my girlfriend. I am not innately a bad person or a terrible partner, but I have my faults (like everyone) and these faults really hurt my girlfriend. However for some reason I don’t seem to change my habits or if I do it always seems to be on a short term basis. So recently I have asked myself a few questions:
- How long can you be with someone who continues to do something that you truly hate?
- How long would I personally stick around if someone was continually doing something I hated?
- When did just living with something constitute a relationship?
- When did I forget that relationships are between two people that love each other?
I am unsure if I will be able to answer these questions but it makes me start to think, thinking about what other behaviours my girlfriend dislikes. Some of the following I will go into in a separate post but the below are the faults that I am looking to work on going forward.
I may eliminate some of them or all of them but for me it is to be aware of them and start putting some action into them. Some (not all, and I may revise this list) of my faults include:
- Behaviour when I am drunk or drinking
- Spending too much time on minor priorities (Rugby etc.)
- Not being ‘present’ when being present – too much time on iPhone
- Lack of conversation when spending time together
- Subtle rudeness directed at my girlfriend and in conversation
- Use of finances for inappropriate items (food and alcohol)
- Lack of forethought around upcoming anniversaries, holidays or general life
I believe there is more but I think that is a good start and truly believe that I will improve as a person and create a better relationship for not only between my girlfriend and I but for others I am involved with.
My biggest hope for me in identifying the above and doing something about them (long-term) is for both my girlfriend and I to be happy. I know there will be dramas that we will have to work through but I am confident if I can work on the above that those dramas will be like a walk in the park.
Until next time,